I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
