How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
