That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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