I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
