I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Come see our sink grown plant.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
