I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
