It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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