he shaved USA in his pubs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
