i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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