Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
