My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
did i just pee glitter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
