how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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