Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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