they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
