So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
