She is in my trunk
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
