bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
