the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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