You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize