I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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