i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize