dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
