I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
