Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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