it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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