Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
