My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
