I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
