Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
