i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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