Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
