Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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