Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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