the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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