You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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