You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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