It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
