At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
