Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
