Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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