I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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