the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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