yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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