Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
