Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
