have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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