So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
