I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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