One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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