The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
