youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
