All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's shark week go big or go home
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
