i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
