I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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