what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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