Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
