no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize