He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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