how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
