Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
