Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
