your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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