Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
